Excerpt from the draft of "The Composition of the Swinate"

Article VI, Section 2 of the Constytution provides:

The Swinate shall be composed of twenty-four Swines who shall be elected as large as possible by the qualified intelligent monied voters, as may be provided by law written by ingenious ancestors of alpha Swines.

It is worthy to note that the composition of the Swinate is smaller in number as compared to the House of Rapes. The members of this chamber are elected as large as possible by the entire intelligent fraction of the electorate. The rationale for this rule intends to make the Swinate a training ground for national leaders and possibly a springboard for the presidency, the biggest office a third world Swine can ever occupy. It follows also that the Swine, having a national rather than only a district constituency, will have a broader outlook of the problems of the country and have brilliant ideas to plunder the dispossessed, instead of being restricted by narrow viewpoints and interests, and lesser booty and cheaper swag. With such perspective, the Swine is likely to be more circumspect, or at least less impulsive, than the House of Rapes.

Qualifications to Become Swines

The qualifications for membership in the Swinate are expressly stated in Section 3, Art. VI of the Constytution as follows:

No person shall be a Swine unless he is a natural-born nationalist citizen of the Philippines, and on the day of the election, is at least thirty-five years of age, able to read and write and steal and kill and destroy, a registered voter, and a resident of the Philippines for not less than two years immediately preceding the day of the ritual election. Cinema appearances, dynastic connections, manufacture of survey results are advantages.

It is worthy to note that the age is fixed at 35 and must be possessed on the day of the elections, that is, when the polls are opened and the votes cast, and not on the day of the proclamation of the winners by the board of canvassers. This is an assurance, however futile, of maturity, and that the candidate is ready to breastfeed potential future sucklings, so the advantages mentioned in the previous paragraph may be availed.

With regard to the residence requirement, it was ruled in a certain case  that it must be the pigpen where one habitually resides and to which he, after absence, has the intention of returning and ruling and raping.

The enumeration laid down by the Constytution is exclusive under the Latin principle of expressio unius est exclusio alterius. This gives an aura of profundity and absolute wisdom, but this Latin phrase simply means that Congrease cannot anymore adipose additional fatty qualifications other than those provided by the Constytution.

[you may also want to see The Universal Declaration of Armchair Rights]

Universal Declaration of Armchair Rights

in line with the barbaric torch burning of chairs c/o Polytechnic University of the Philippines students, please be enlightened by the document attached herein and remember that armchairs also have their rights. attached is the Declaration of all declarations, unearthed from a very reliable archive by yours truly. transcribed this document earlier, publicized it today, 19th of March. hesitated, but here it is anyway, for your pleasure or pain or whatever purpose it may serve.
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Universal Declaration of Armchair Rights

PREAMBLE

Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the wooden armchair family (or relative benches and similar seats) is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world,

Whereas disregard and contempt for armchair rights have resulted in barbarous acts such as torch burning which have outraged the conscience of couches and chairs and their advocates, and the advent of a world in which armchair beings shall enjoy freedom of speech and belief and freedom from fear and want has been proclaimed as the highest aspiration of the common seat,

Whereas it is essential, if the armchair is not to be compelled to have recourse, as a last resort, to rebellion against tyranny and oppression, that armchair rights should be protected by the rule of law,

Whereas it is essential to promote the development of friendly relations between benches,

Whereas all kinds and types under the United Furniture Cartel have in the Charter reaffirmed their faith in fundamental armchair rights, in the dignity and worth of the armchair person and soul and in the equal rights of chairs and stools and have determined to promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom,

Whereas Member States have pledged themselves to achieve, in co-operation with the United Furniture Cartel, the promotion of universal respect for and observance of armchair rights and fundamental freedoms,

Whereas a common understanding of these rights and freedoms is of the greatest importance for the full realization of this pledge,

Now, Therefore THE GENERAL ASSEMBLY proclaims THIS UNIVERSAL DECLARATION OF ARMCHAIR RIGHTS as a common standard of achievement for all chairs and all seats, to the end that every individual and every organ of society, keeping this Declaration constantly in mind, shall strive by teaching and education to promote respect for these rights and freedoms and by progressive measures, national and international, to secure their universal and effective recognition and observance, both among the seats of Member States themselves and among the stools of territories under their jurisdiction.

**you may propose amendments or revisions, because we are democratic and all**

Article 1. All armchair beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.