Pandora's Boxes [ii]: 8 Demons

Oh, a new header / banner / whatsoever. Joy.

Though we all know that the evils of this millennium culminates with the most relevant issue of these times, i.e. the Onion not getting a Pulitzer Prize despite its outstanding contribution to the world with its high-caliber journalism powered with dedicated journalists who want nothing but to bring you the facts even without an award and desperately mad loyal supporters who would do anything for truth and justice, there are other issues that deserve attention (though let me emphasize, again, and clarify, again, that the Onion deserves more than all attention it can get such as the Pulitzer Prize, goddamnit!). And this concerns your children and the future of your grandchildren. And their grandchildren's clones.

Demons lurk amongst us, and one of them celebrated a birthday back then when they were exposed by Saviours and Soldiers of God and God's Truth (SAGOT) to the public. How arrogant those demons are! No demon has the right to celebrate birthdays or proclaim the day of their birth, for chrissakes! About two years passed and recently, another among their ranks celebrated his birthday through an esoteric occult ritual that the public would never suspect of being a satanic rite--dancing a new world order dance in the rain while screaming unholy incantations to wash their sins away and save themselves--without a christ! How proud and Luciferian!

This rite occurred after this guy and six of his cohorts (so, they were seven! see how they blaspheme God? they even used God's number instead of the Devil's number, six, and imprison themselves to manipulate media attention!) were freed by their co-demons from the Hell where God placed them to atone for their sins. The unrepentant sinners even marched from Hell to earth proclaiming victory over God and his warriors of righteousness. The same unrepentant sinners were asked by the soldiers about other demons they knew since knowing a demon's name gives you a decent chance of capturing them. Surprisingly, the list of demons names demons that were already labelled demons by SAGOT back then. Here's an archived video documentary of the demon hunting (yes, gritty camera movement! that's indie / alternative media! this creepy video still gives me the creeps!):

The bane of humanity, i.e. these demons--the seven, the eight, the sixteen, the fifty four, the one hundred, whatever the number and to whatever Legion they serve--shall turn to God and righteousness as long as they still have their souls to surrender to the Almighty. Get the Onion a Pulitzer to have an in-depth reportage further fortified by thorough analysis of issues such as these and secure the future of your children. And their grandchildren. And their grandchildren's clones. Before it is too late and we end in either a zombie or a robot apocalypse.

Oh, this is fiction, btw.