Monday, June 27, 2011

CarcositeNewsNet: Emoticon of Church and State

Palace: Eheheheheh ^_^'

The virtual community witnessed the concession of the Palace today saying that the nine-year Arroyo Queendom was not that bad at all. The crowbar duel was called off, contrary to the official declaration as reported yesterday.

Amputee Royal Spokesperson Galibail Voltage told Mala-Canan reporters that the King Inang Yellow monarchy utilized the Arroyo programs that "did not quite suck" and "worthy enough to be happy about, especially when you look at how she performed, but it's fine."

"Those who are saying that we completely discontinued the programs of the previous monarchy are liars and evil motherfuckers and rabblerousing assholes," Voltage added. "We are objective when we put programs into tests of relevance. We work on what works, as I've told you guise before."

She cited the Conditioning Cash Transmutation (CCT) Program, which is also the Kingdom's pride, other than that "very effective wang wang campaign against hassles and badtrips on the road."

"The CCT is from the efforts and greatness of the previous monarchy. It is fucking bullshit that we did not continue the said program. We just made it better and greater, but, needless to say, not greater than Cthulhu," Voltage said.

She also mentioned, with "a proud smug that an archbishop wants to knock off her face" according to a source, the Ministry of Health's "syringe program" and "anti-antiyellowfever campaigns" and "vanguards of firecracker victims during the New Year."

"I can enumerate a lot of our ass kicking, like the 2011 budget, the guilds and mercenaries that the Kingdom now controls, the Hali flood negotiations with, you know, star gods, if you know what I mean," she added. She stressed with that same smug that "the people's mindsets are changed" because they "look at the kingdom as a cool thing and not a motherfucking asshole."

"These are, indded, Yellow Signs," she almost ended. When asked about the crowbar threat she said, "What are you talking about?" I reminded her again about yesterday's news and she said she is late for her meeting.

Last Friday, following Thursday, Arroyo told the press that recognizing the gains of the previous monarchy and building on it is the mark of chivalry. Aw...

King Inang Yellow bagged the crown after telling the people that Arroyo is not that 'metal' at all because she is a miser, hoarding drugs and not sharing with her friends substances to be abused.

Arroyo said, "That's fucking bullshit."

Church: Waaaargh! >.<

"Almost a year in office, and King Inang Yellow wang wang (brags) about his ever victorious wang wang policy?," retired Lingkod-Dagukan Archbishop Oscar Grouch told me yesterday and I'm telling you about it.

"The nerve!," he added. "He is to celebrate his first anniversary as King and this is his cheap treat for all of us!" He also said that wang wang is not "that fab at all" and that the "promised straight path (pinangakong matuwid na daan)" is "nailed (napako) like that whore Mary Magdalene."

Grouch also criticized the "sloganeerings" (sic) of the Yellow King that remain "sons and daughters of the devil." When asked why, he said, "Son, you have not been reading the Bible. Satan is the father of lies. He is father to the King right now. If you continue that way, you'll be damned in hell with him."

"We are the King's boss? No corruption, no poverty? No wang wang no what? I am not being demanding. Much needs to be done more than observing silence while driving a porsche. The Philippines is not a library. It is a country, FYI," said Grouch, a former president of the Carcosa Bi Chambers of the Philippines (or is it Catholic Boy Craftlove of the Philippines? As of press time, the meaning of the acronym remains unconfirmed).

Grouch added that approval and trust ratings, not condoms, should be what the King concerns himself with. "Prepare for a magical storytelling this SOKA (State of the Kingdom Address). Record it too so you'll have a bedtime story with a happy ending to listen to, and fool yourself. God bless you all."

Oh, this is bullshit, btw. Distorted data from here and here.

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