UPLBLTX and other things

Let me start with an apology, as the previous sleep-deprivation-induced days further robbed me of my limited knowledge of social norms, as the zombie that I was talk and walk among the living. Actually, I feel like Sleep would hit me with another blow in the face in another couple of hours. That whore. I have been sleeping the regular sleep after my college days and this is the first time I succeeded in not sleeping, and this is how Sleep repays me? Insatiable whore. (Below lies, not a whore, but my last minute poster for the event.)

There are good things and bad things and among the good things are releases of things I planned to release as promised to self: Pseudocuments Volume One: Prose Poetry Pictures and harapin ang hinagap: mga prosa has been off the press though the press is, really, just the photocopying machine, a little, you know, cash and, er, people at the photocopying center and yours truly. Here's the short intro for pseudocuments, A Public Service Advisory from Adam David:

Enclosed herein are short-form lyric cyberpunk protest monologues of civil disobedience penned by one Tilde Acuña, disobedient civilian formerly of UPLB. These texts contain nothing but bad news for everyone, sentiments formulated to provoke guilt towards your person and ill will towards the foundations (and fundamentals) of contemporary society, written in a voice calibrated to confuse artfully rather than inform pragmatically. Rest assured that all these are lies and double-speak, do not relate to your person or your life experience, do not talk about your society or your government or the leaders of your government. This is not how the world works. Keep calm and carrion.

and here's a sort of errata, cleansing, repentance, thanksgiving, apology, attempt at salvation, copypasted from my facebook note:

mahirap harapin ang katotohanang

may sobrang nakakahiyang very glaring typo, na hindi lang typo, kung hindi sobrang nakakahiyang very glaring error sa harapin ang hinagap : mga prosa. kunsakaling naispatan mo, bago ko pa man maisulat ang pagpupunang ito, pasensya na at hindi agad napansin noong mismong event dahil kakaprint lang noon at assumero akong ayos na ayos na, nairaos din ang zines, etc, etc, pero sobrang very wrong ako, so, tama na ang ligoy, ganito ho:

may pito atang (nadekwat o) nabiling harapin ang hinagap, dahil labingtatlo na lang (out of bente) ang natira sa akin. so, para sa pitong nilalang na iyon, dalawa ho ang naisip kong pagpipiliang dispensa: una, papalitan ko ang kopya ninyo, magtakda lang tayo ng oras; at ikalawa, itabi ninyo ang ebidensya ng kasalanan kong kasalanan naman nating lahat (yes, nandamay at nag-justify ng kamalian, e, ano): ang cramming, so, itabi mo na iyang kopya mo ng harapin ang hinagap, at bibigyan na lamang kita ng libreng kopya ng nilulutong komix; at ikatlo, kung may maimumungkahi ho kayo karampatang anuman, ayun, pakisabi na lang ho.

may nakaligtaan akong i-tag, malamang, dahil apat lang ang naalala kong kakilalang bumili, so, tag ko na rin si adam david para maispatan ang note na ito ng natitirang tatlong nilalang na nakaiskor ng depektibong zine dahil sa pagkacram. ayun na lang po, maraming salamat at sensya na sa hasel.

Besides not being able to release my transmet fanfiction and the blockquote right before this paragraph that documents my sins, among the bad things are things sacrificed against one's will. I failed to attend BLTX TALX because I have to rest the rest I failed to have for about 72 waking hours, just to release the zines at the event. So, of course, I would have to settle with and be thankful to generous people who share their notes on alternative publishing and to people who, as we speak, are preparing mp3s of the talks during the event. *update* Here's another something re: BLTX from The Curious Couch *entry updated @ 03|05|2012*

***

Besides criminal activities (that I would like to discuss in another time and might be inappropriate to be mentioned but I think shall be mentioned as the news feed does not forgive and it shall flash information no matter how in/appropriate it is), independent publishing has also been proliferating from the ground where Maria Makiling's feet rest. I confess that UPLB's participation in BLTX made me blush the first time I saw the the diarrhea of titles of zines flooding the BLTX album. (Apir sa PANTAS, The Cabinet at Samahang Layb! Para sa inyo ito: ♥ !) Glad to see faces that I have and have not seen before, during the event and releases from those faces that I have and have not seen before. Sad to not see faces that I expected to see and the releases to identify those faces with.

The frustration somehow felt similar to this frustration in what UPLB is seemingly becoming in another (and many other) aspect(s). But as per the independent publications are concerned, it is flourishing and I am hoping that this flourishing manifests in the sociopolitical landscape of UPLB being criticized, as these criminal activities are not limited to the ones spearheaded by your usual lumpens but also by your usual bullies in formal attire up the towers of power that stabs the students of their right to have the leaders they elected seated. Regarding the rising crime rate and the residents' asking for security, also rethink, are they doing it on purpose so that you yourselves ask for something they are planning to do? Remember that tightening security measures is double-edged, with the security officers that we have and their commanders? Ewan ko. Sakit sa ulo. Maybe, a consciousness of the community, and immersing in them so that they would be the ones to apprehend the culprits, is one of the many solutions? The solidarity across sectors? But, of course, that shall take a lot of time and effort at organizing.

I am a week and a year older this day, and I do not know why that shall matter and I am supposed to write shit I thought I have learned but maybe, not this time because with the deluge of publications, which is not really something bad, I once again ask, not just to independent publishers but first and foremost to my self: what is the point, had there been any? And I quote my entry from buhay indie (I really hope komix peeps, without hampering their schedule of working on their projects, also ask these questions from time to time) in its entirety, though I think this does not really concern anyone as it seems like most people do what they please for the sake of doing what they please:

To whom it may concern,

I have been infected with what I consider one of the, say, common colds that, I think, often bothers most people engaged in creative (maybe, even critical) work: self-censorship. I have a lot of plans in mind, despite piles of works-in-progress and unchecked boxes in to-do lists, but I keep on thinking and re-thinking whether these projects are worth publishing, or they would just add to the existing clutter. This thinking that have caused paralysis, if not indifference towards creative work ceased to exist (or so I thought) after I have alas drawn something that I thought would deserve a little space in the interwebs. I have been unproductive, save for my translations (or adaptations) of poems and stories, and my komix in the most recent memory, Ang Sandatahang Banga, was released August last year.

With these frustrations, I learned to enjoy seemingly mundane things. Shallow as it may seem, I kind of celebrated my first drawing for this year, hoping such sort of breaking the silence implies productivity in the next few days. It seems so, as I've thought of another project, that I hope to pursue and finish and release during BLTX2, WHILE working on a komix script I have shelved for more than a year--something written way back 2010--which I assume would be a five-part graphic novel, with each portions differing in length, and this is what I aim to finish as soon as possible, before the world ends, WHILE working on other pending projects and collaborations that I wouldn't want to preempt yet, WHILE working for a living. But then again, besides questioning whether I am biting off more than I can chew, I ask as I have asked, and will probably ask: is it worth the effort?

I have released a significant bulk of my shelved material during the BLTX, which means I shall get this illness over with at the soonest time possible and give birth to new abominations, else I run dry and do something I have thought of (and resisted from) doing years and years ago. Thank you for dropping by, and I hope to see literary projects from the home that I wish to come home to but cannot and will not because of, well, you know the routinary bittersweet drama of, yak, loving the place so much you hate it, right? So, there!