Scratches and Sketches: Some Recent Births and Deaths

The previous days have been hectic, both for death and for, er, say, the powers that (re)create matter, assuming that they are, what, disparate.

[Previous tumbler (coffee tumbler, not, er, a tumblog), uhm, design I, kind of, disposed. Original's in white background and blue lines. Inverted the colours, for, I don't know, fun.]

Let me begin with deaths, first of which is that of Jean Giraud aka Moebius, who passed away last March 10. Then, yesterday before sunlight intrudes to introduce another day, came the unexpected (well, what is not) arrival of Karl Roy at the, say, paradise he has been searching for, following the white light. (BTW, there has been another incident of robbery and stabbing in the UPLB vicinity, after three deaths due to criminal activity, [here] comes another. Muntik nang magkaroon ng ika-apat na estudyanteng paglalamayan dahil sa krimen. Ang isa pang worry ko lang naman sa ganito ay ang gawin itong batayan para sa extracurricular new improved surveillance dahil sa justification ng police presence. So, death din ito ng seguridad, bagamat matagal naman na itong naaagnas, lalo sa kaso ng mga tibak sa Timog Katagalugan. Ewan ko sa dekadens ng lipunang ito, ano. Gulo.)

I don't know, but such an exit from the particular plane being an entrance into perhaps another plane of existence feels heavy and easy at the same time. Maybe, it is because I know their work and not the artists themselves, but nonetheless, it feels, I don't know, inspiring? At the risk of the cliche trivializing death and accepting it as a consequence of life (well, it is), I think "they are in a better place" as most people say, which could have been realities they have already weaved while they existed among us: Moebius may be in his pastel-colored future outlined by his signature strokes and his fantastic visions of that future (his present) that may now be tangible for him, whatever tangible in that plane may mean or feel like. Karl Roy on the other hand may be jamming, literally high, up with his fellow fallen rock star heroes and friends overlooking mourners bidding their half-smiled farewells and soldiers of music saluting in gratitude of lives shared at the mosh pit or through head phones. They are in their respective paradisos.

Another "death" that deserves another paragraph is that of Encyclopaedia Britannica, allegedly murdered by Wikipedia and the internet. I am not quite sure whether the pages of those tomes, and the future pages that the internet aborted (or, is about to abort), would be happy in another place, another limbo. Or, maybe they are here, with us, adrift the cyberspace, their heaven, where data freely flows, something as double-edged as freedom. (And, an interesting read that does not directly have anything to do with matters discussed herein: Bringing Back the State to the Revolution, a commentary on the Occupy movements here and abroad, on the debate between anarchists and revolutionaries, and so on. In someway, somehow, it is related to, I don't know, (re)birth, right?) Now, I feel kind of, guilty, as I have been itching, desiring, for a long time, to sculpt the "heroes," or "google," or whatever of my childhood into an artwork, though it has already been done by other people. Oh, those pages should have had tasted the violence of, what, a swiss knife or any blade, for the sake of, yes, art and all the bullshit.

So, there, death of a French artist, of a local cult icon, and, uhm of a universal experience of, maybe, children hailing from around the middle class.

[Current tumbler (coffee tumbler, not, of course, a tumblog), er, design I birthed early this morning. Original's in white background and black line work. Inverted the colours for, er, fun.]

Now, these "births" are really just shameless plugs, so, let me make it as quick as possible. Sorry for the, I don't know, trickery, because er, *some text missing a.k.a. i am either out of words or i want to shut up about the missing text i did not dare blurt out* First is the January-February issue of the UP Forum, with my article "Community Sterilization and the Cataclysm."

Then, the artwork "symphony [iii]" and poem "Minanikang Makina" appear in the February issue of The Cabinet.

And, lastly, I am not sure, but I think Kilometer 64 Poetry Collective published my poem in their book Mga Panahon sa Hacienda Luisita, but I am almost certain that they did publish in Seldang Maginaw "TANAGA 4 x 7," the poem I have written for Calamba 7 (5 UPLB students and 2 activists from the community detained during the protest action at the 150th birthday, thing, of Rizal in Calamba. Among the five is Ynik Ante, the University Student Council chairperson-elect of the recent USC-CSC elections in UPLB whose position is being sabotaged and contested by evil people who, my prediction says, are going to be future leaders of this godforsaken, decadent, ill-valued third world country, if nothing "radical," er, "purges" these evil people [that put "Epoxy to shame," using De Quiros's words in his hard-hitting yet kinda Pnoy-leaning column today describing Corona] soon [details]).

Btw, KM64 celebrated their 9th anniversary at the Conspiracy Bar last night.

Repeat until fade / Reverences [v]

"Books are worthless," Abrenuncio said with good humor. "Life has helped me cure the diseases that other doctors cause with their medicines." -from Of Love and Other Demons, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. But some books are of significance, like, the Necronomicon for instance. And some comic books are of utter significance like Alan Moore's Neonomicon.

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*About REVERENCE: Posts labeled with reverence are photographs or images or horrors the resident of the carcosite admires like a fangurl. Entries such as this shall have no caption or labels, besides this caption that shall blankly describe what REVERENCE is. So blank that all you can do is wander via google about the featured entity and wonder. Well, this is, simply, a facade for fangurling; and an attempt to pretend that the label REVERENCE means something. Yes, hollow words, I know. Good day. By the way, there is a good chance that I am preparing or planning some sort of (private) hagiography for revered entities featured herein.These images, just like most, if not all, images in previous REVERENCEs, are not mine.* All images lifted from the [comicvine.]

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Expletive pun

Minsan, gusto mo magmura sa sobrang mahal, tipong magwawala ka dahil wala kang magawa at kailangan mong pagbigyan ang tawag ng pangangailangang hindi naman talaga kailangan, magmumura ka na lang sa sobrang mahal, parang, tangimorrissey! Minsan naman, sa sobrang pagmamahal ka napapamura, tipong gusto mo humagulgol bilang pagluluksa sa taong ni hindi mo naman personal na nakilala pero nakilala mo ang mga iniluwal, sa sobrang pagmamahal, mapapamura kang, parang, tanginamoebius!

If they reckon our labor union as a corpse (Axel Pinpin)

Dahil kaarawan ni Axel Pinpin at unang beses ko ata itong magsalin (o gumawa ng adaptasyon?) sa Ingles ng Filipinong akda, pagpasensyahan na ang burador. Bukas sa puna, as always. Matsala at happy 40th [?] birthday kay Axel. Magka-edad ata sila ng UPLB Perspective [nostalgia trip here], ang opisyal na pahayagan ng mga mag-aaral ng UPLB na kasalukuyang hindi ko maintindihan ang trip sa buhay dahil militante at progresibo naman ang tradisyon nito pero ewan, oops, off-topic, o, heto na ang salin.

***

If They Reckon Our Labor Union as a Corpse

(For Gerry Cristobal)

by Axel Pinpin, Translated by Tilde Acuña

If the sweatshop is already a mausoleum

And the machine oils with blood

And the factories that were once abodes

for workers pay wails as wages

We head home early for the countryside

To lead our fellow toiling masses!

If the machine's noise is already a gunfire

And the only asset left is our strength

Of capitalizing that profit is used to hire

An unholy barracks of slaughter and brute force

We forge shears that cut through shackles

For us to break away from bondage!

If they reckon our labor union as a corpse

And presume that our flock is altogether forsaken

By the proletarian with no tears left for lament;

Ceaseless salute to hammers on banners,

Martyrs and inspirations are the working class heroes;

Sustain prominence until further victories!

***

(Kapos pa rin ang kasalukuyang bokabularyo sa Filipino [Ang mahal kasi niyang UP Diksyunaryong Filipino], may ilang mga tula ni Pinpin na nais sanang isalin, kaso, hindi mabibigyang-hustisya, assuming, syempre, na nabigyan kong hustisya ang isang ito na pinamagatang "Kung Bangkay Na Nilang Ituring Ang Ating Unyon (Alay Kay Gerry Cristobal)" mula sa Tugmaang Matatabil : Mga Akdang Isinulat sa Libingan ng Mga Buhay.)

***

Repeat until fade [iv] Playlist: Telling Ghosts, etc.

"The more you take, the more you need; the more you suck, the more you bleed; the dead know better so listen to the letter; the more you suck the more you bleed," sings Maynard James Keenan, who also said in an article that he "has no interest in watering his product down for the masses." I wrote a poem mentioning him during the days of Mideo Cruz shenanigans, and this statement makes me feel like, I don't know, making me ask whether deep within my subconscious, I am, indeed, following him as a role model or otherwise. If I am already conscious of the possibility that I am unconsciously -- [The artwork above was done while cramming for the zine "Pseudocuments Volume One: Prose | Poetry | Pictures."]

-- no, rethinking philosophies, principles and all the fvcking bullcrap shall be postponed to another day, because this day, I shall try to stop taking and sucking to lessen the needing and the bleeding: I shall stop absorbing information right at this very moment and face whatever the fvck awaits me later this afternoon. Hope everything goes well, because my life plans, to some very hardcore extent, depends on what the shiznit later brings and how the consequences of what it brought conceive further aftereffects, and speaking of effects, I'll just go on and do what I am ought to do and leave you with shit from Trent Reznor and MJK. And Meshuggah, too:

Repeat until fade [iii] / International Women's Day

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"To be aware of a threat is to reply to it." I cannot remember whether this line was from Neil Gaiman's Sandman or from Mike Carey's Lucifer but I am, somehow, certain that this line came from Mazikeen. Happinternational Women's Day! (I have thought of Arya Stark, but she has already been quoted in a [previous entry].)

[Can you guess who the inspiration / model is? If you cannot, then don't! error was published in the February 2012 issue of the UP Newsletter, with the article for Prof. Dennis Andrew Aguinaldo's lecture, "The Literary Appropriation of Science: Barthelme's Postmodern Fiction as a Possible Resource for UPLB."

I have also used a detail of error as one of the panels for the "Fragments: In Which We Are," a collaborative work written by Alyza and adapted / visually interpreted into comics form by yours truly and published by the Quarterly Bathroom Companion Comics Compendium peeps in the second volume.

To people who had the chance of reading our contribution, I hope you noticed some sort of semblance of the women in it to, you know, real existing women? But if you didn't, it is, of course fine. Drawing faces of women I admire is already a pleasure, anyway. And, I hasten to add that admiration does not really mean mere physical attraction, though that aspect, of course, counts. I think strength, as seen in Mazikeen and Arya, are among those which matter the most.

[google's logo tribute thing]

Salamat, at muli, Maligayang Pandaigdigang Araw ng mga Kababaihan!]

***

[PAHABOL!!! At the risk of preempting and shit, I plan to write at length about this issue. Sana, magawa before the week ends. Sana, actually, makapagdraft tonight! Central Electoral Board's Mark Lester Chico, by the way, is an alumnus of BUKLOD UPLB. Yung prinoklama nilang USC chairperson na si Joyce Divino (na natalo ni Ynik Ante) ay from BUKLOD UPLB. There, connect the dots. Plus, this [article], written by the Editor in Chief of the current UPLB Perspective that failed to live up to its supposed mandate as the flagship student publication of Southern Tagalog, stinks of propaganda, propaganda being derogatory in this sense! Yan, may glimpse na ng kung anong binabalak kong isulat na kahit hindi ko ata masulat e may ideya na ang ilan kung anong lalamanin nito. Agitating. Hanggang dito na lang muna. Magdiwang muna kayo / tayo, sa kabila ng mga kashitan.]

**international women's day in solidarity w chile update - march 9 **

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**i thought this fangurling ended already. it should've ended**

UPLBLTX and other things

Let me start with an apology, as the previous sleep-deprivation-induced days further robbed me of my limited knowledge of social norms, as the zombie that I was talk and walk among the living. Actually, I feel like Sleep would hit me with another blow in the face in another couple of hours. That whore. I have been sleeping the regular sleep after my college days and this is the first time I succeeded in not sleeping, and this is how Sleep repays me? Insatiable whore. (Below lies, not a whore, but my last minute poster for the event.)

There are good things and bad things and among the good things are releases of things I planned to release as promised to self: Pseudocuments Volume One: Prose Poetry Pictures and harapin ang hinagap: mga prosa has been off the press though the press is, really, just the photocopying machine, a little, you know, cash and, er, people at the photocopying center and yours truly. Here's the short intro for pseudocuments, A Public Service Advisory from Adam David:

Enclosed herein are short-form lyric cyberpunk protest monologues of civil disobedience penned by one Tilde Acuña, disobedient civilian formerly of UPLB. These texts contain nothing but bad news for everyone, sentiments formulated to provoke guilt towards your person and ill will towards the foundations (and fundamentals) of contemporary society, written in a voice calibrated to confuse artfully rather than inform pragmatically. Rest assured that all these are lies and double-speak, do not relate to your person or your life experience, do not talk about your society or your government or the leaders of your government. This is not how the world works. Keep calm and carrion.

and here's a sort of errata, cleansing, repentance, thanksgiving, apology, attempt at salvation, copypasted from my facebook note:

mahirap harapin ang katotohanang

may sobrang nakakahiyang very glaring typo, na hindi lang typo, kung hindi sobrang nakakahiyang very glaring error sa harapin ang hinagap : mga prosa. kunsakaling naispatan mo, bago ko pa man maisulat ang pagpupunang ito, pasensya na at hindi agad napansin noong mismong event dahil kakaprint lang noon at assumero akong ayos na ayos na, nairaos din ang zines, etc, etc, pero sobrang very wrong ako, so, tama na ang ligoy, ganito ho:

may pito atang (nadekwat o) nabiling harapin ang hinagap, dahil labingtatlo na lang (out of bente) ang natira sa akin. so, para sa pitong nilalang na iyon, dalawa ho ang naisip kong pagpipiliang dispensa: una, papalitan ko ang kopya ninyo, magtakda lang tayo ng oras; at ikalawa, itabi ninyo ang ebidensya ng kasalanan kong kasalanan naman nating lahat (yes, nandamay at nag-justify ng kamalian, e, ano): ang cramming, so, itabi mo na iyang kopya mo ng harapin ang hinagap, at bibigyan na lamang kita ng libreng kopya ng nilulutong komix; at ikatlo, kung may maimumungkahi ho kayo karampatang anuman, ayun, pakisabi na lang ho.

may nakaligtaan akong i-tag, malamang, dahil apat lang ang naalala kong kakilalang bumili, so, tag ko na rin si adam david para maispatan ang note na ito ng natitirang tatlong nilalang na nakaiskor ng depektibong zine dahil sa pagkacram. ayun na lang po, maraming salamat at sensya na sa hasel.

Besides not being able to release my transmet fanfiction and the blockquote right before this paragraph that documents my sins, among the bad things are things sacrificed against one's will. I failed to attend BLTX TALX because I have to rest the rest I failed to have for about 72 waking hours, just to release the zines at the event. So, of course, I would have to settle with and be thankful to generous people who share their notes on alternative publishing and to people who, as we speak, are preparing mp3s of the talks during the event. *update* Here's another something re: BLTX from The Curious Couch *entry updated @ 03|05|2012*

***

Besides criminal activities (that I would like to discuss in another time and might be inappropriate to be mentioned but I think shall be mentioned as the news feed does not forgive and it shall flash information no matter how in/appropriate it is), independent publishing has also been proliferating from the ground where Maria Makiling's feet rest. I confess that UPLB's participation in BLTX made me blush the first time I saw the the diarrhea of titles of zines flooding the BLTX album. (Apir sa PANTAS, The Cabinet at Samahang Layb! Para sa inyo ito: ♥ !) Glad to see faces that I have and have not seen before, during the event and releases from those faces that I have and have not seen before. Sad to not see faces that I expected to see and the releases to identify those faces with.

The frustration somehow felt similar to this frustration in what UPLB is seemingly becoming in another (and many other) aspect(s). But as per the independent publications are concerned, it is flourishing and I am hoping that this flourishing manifests in the sociopolitical landscape of UPLB being criticized, as these criminal activities are not limited to the ones spearheaded by your usual lumpens but also by your usual bullies in formal attire up the towers of power that stabs the students of their right to have the leaders they elected seated. Regarding the rising crime rate and the residents' asking for security, also rethink, are they doing it on purpose so that you yourselves ask for something they are planning to do? Remember that tightening security measures is double-edged, with the security officers that we have and their commanders? Ewan ko. Sakit sa ulo. Maybe, a consciousness of the community, and immersing in them so that they would be the ones to apprehend the culprits, is one of the many solutions? The solidarity across sectors? But, of course, that shall take a lot of time and effort at organizing.

I am a week and a year older this day, and I do not know why that shall matter and I am supposed to write shit I thought I have learned but maybe, not this time because with the deluge of publications, which is not really something bad, I once again ask, not just to independent publishers but first and foremost to my self: what is the point, had there been any? And I quote my entry from buhay indie (I really hope komix peeps, without hampering their schedule of working on their projects, also ask these questions from time to time) in its entirety, though I think this does not really concern anyone as it seems like most people do what they please for the sake of doing what they please:

To whom it may concern,

I have been infected with what I consider one of the, say, common colds that, I think, often bothers most people engaged in creative (maybe, even critical) work: self-censorship. I have a lot of plans in mind, despite piles of works-in-progress and unchecked boxes in to-do lists, but I keep on thinking and re-thinking whether these projects are worth publishing, or they would just add to the existing clutter. This thinking that have caused paralysis, if not indifference towards creative work ceased to exist (or so I thought) after I have alas drawn something that I thought would deserve a little space in the interwebs. I have been unproductive, save for my translations (or adaptations) of poems and stories, and my komix in the most recent memory, Ang Sandatahang Banga, was released August last year.

With these frustrations, I learned to enjoy seemingly mundane things. Shallow as it may seem, I kind of celebrated my first drawing for this year, hoping such sort of breaking the silence implies productivity in the next few days. It seems so, as I've thought of another project, that I hope to pursue and finish and release during BLTX2, WHILE working on a komix script I have shelved for more than a year--something written way back 2010--which I assume would be a five-part graphic novel, with each portions differing in length, and this is what I aim to finish as soon as possible, before the world ends, WHILE working on other pending projects and collaborations that I wouldn't want to preempt yet, WHILE working for a living. But then again, besides questioning whether I am biting off more than I can chew, I ask as I have asked, and will probably ask: is it worth the effort?

I have released a significant bulk of my shelved material during the BLTX, which means I shall get this illness over with at the soonest time possible and give birth to new abominations, else I run dry and do something I have thought of (and resisted from) doing years and years ago. Thank you for dropping by, and I hope to see literary projects from the home that I wish to come home to but cannot and will not because of, well, you know the routinary bittersweet drama of, yak, loving the place so much you hate it, right? So, there!

Birth, BLTX, Break, then Back to Working on BLTX things

Before shameless plugging all the way until the end of this quick spontaneous post, I would like to thank all the people across social networking sites who wished me well or who exerted effort in saying whatever the fvck they wanted to say, though those whatever-the-fvcks are, really, a tap on the shoulder telling me that I have turned a year older and seemingly asking me what I have done so far (amfeeling mo, self, wala namang ganoong intent ang mga bumati, assumero you), which makes me think and re-think, as always, what the fvck have I been doing, and whether I shall continue doing those fvckeries.

Now, let us exploit this day (I am to write about birthdays as soon as possible, and, maybe, put the write-up as introduction to one of the zines? hm... anyway, back to exploiting this day) and ask whether any of the people who, in essence, expressed their good will that the cosmos bless me, again, whether any of those people would be interested in reserving / pre-ordering any of these zines? If so, please tell me through whatever means. Ang Sandatahang Banga is a komix speculating / investigating the increasing number of, er, jars in UPLB. Pseudocuments: Volume One (yes, which means there is going to be a volume two) is a collection of, yes, prose poetry and pictures, from way back my undergraduate years up to the present. Harapin ang Hinagap is a collection of prose, also from way back my undergrad years up to the present. Both collections include un/published works. All, and hopefully, another, shall be released on March 2 @BLTX2. That is all, for now. Got to get things over with, so, again, thank you, and, I'll leave you with Wolfgang:

PS! Limited copies of the Komentaryo ng Kalbo zine for people who will purchase all three. Ayun, praning mode lang, thought of including the Spider Jerusalem fanfiction sa Harapin ang Hinagap, kaso baka pag ginamit ko for commercial use, tas maispatan, mamroblema pa ako. So, ayun! Kung may nakakaalam regarding mga ganoong bagay, pakisabi lang, ha. Kung wala naman palang problema sa copyright shiznit, baka isama ko na lang sa Hinagap ang Komentaryo.

What bloodless revolution?

[update | this artwork was published at the monsters and the monstrous journal, may, 2012]

This is Queen Inang Yellow, which existed on paper last year. This is among the many somethings that I am hesitant to release, but what the hell, now is the appropriate time and, thinking of it, it kinda reeks of Oedipal complex, as I look back at King Inang Yellow. This is how I see the so-called EDSA Revolution, which is not really to discredit the boost in morale that resulted into a show of force, a powerful force, by the Filipino people. This is also not a deliberate attempt to burst the bubble of those who see Corazon as a mother, a saint, or whatever reverence or fetish you have for that, er, madonna of the landed class, or mariang edsa. It's just that, this "power," this "yellow power" attributed to the yellow dynasty and what the heir to the yellow dynasty capitalizes on and utilizes, this "bloodless revolution" that his minions wanted to reenact tomorrow as testament to his revolt, or whatever the fvck he wants to call his crusade of saving the world despite his impotency, this delusion of "people power" seems overrated. Try asking yourselves, had there been any significant change? Those who nod are under the power of the image I present herein, a nightmare born of a dream, a symbol of "unfulfilled hopes*," a matriarch, so motherly you wouldn't feel her fatherly attributes, her tentacles. Oh, a song:

Again, this artwork is not new. Save for the first profit of doom, I have no new drawings yet, but I am determined to plan everything tonight so I can fulfill an intrapersonal promise. BTW, I have a sort of independent komiks slice of life journal entry thing [here]. (Memory does not just not serve me right, it is not serving me at all. Not sure whether I have posted this ikon somewhere. And, yes, I never run out of typographical errors. I've corrected a couple minutes ago. Andami kong shit. #endOfEntry)

(#startOfUpdate) Here's something posted by Cabring Cabrera of Datu's Tribe:

"People Power Picked a Pack of Pakshet People

A Pack of Pakshet People People Power Picked

If People Power Picked a Pack of Pakshet People,

Where's the Pack of Pakshet People People Power Picked?

Still in Power, People. (Pakshet.)\m/@@\m/"

Okay, trapik daw mamaya. Muli silang sasayaw sa bubog, at maglalakad ng tulog at muling mauuntog, ano, Chickoy Pura at The Jerks? Goodluck sa ating lahat.

*Pahabol: This does not, of course, mean I am for Marcos. I am simply reiterating that EDSA was made possible by the people, not by this political clan who stole the supposed victory and betrayed this supposed victory by, well, go watch Orapronobis or revisit history.

Yet Another Oath [BLTX]

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Dear god, Better Living Through Xeroxography happens in less than a couple of weeks. The DIY, indie publishing, komix, poetry, fiction, zine, small press expo event gathering gettogether thing will be held on March 2, from 8pm to whenever, at Ilyong's Kalantiaw Cubao. I think there shall also be some sort of talk about indie publishing the following day. [see more posters / teasers / titles here] [see facebook event page here]

Here's the list of, er, apparitions / appearances. Copied the links from the curious couch: The Cabinet, Gelo Suarez, hal. journal, Heights, High Chair, Kubori Kikiam, Macoy, Omeng Estanislao, PANTAS (Pandayan ng Talino at Sining), Paper Monster Press, Patrick Rawwrr, QBCCC (The Quarterly Bathroom Companion Comics Compendium), Rob Cham, SSM (Silent Sanctum Manga), Tapat Journal, UP Writers' Club (UPWC), Youth and Beauty Brigade, and Zigzag Animals. BTW, if you are interested in showing up and selling your parapharnalia, email Adam David at juncruznaligas@gmail.com. Til friday ata pwede magpasabi.

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As drought sucks the life force and the drive and the high and the essence out of me, I am only certain of one title to sell: Ang Sandatahang Banga. At the risk of preempting, I am preparing a prose poetry collection. If it sees the light of the day, and, of course, the light of the photocopying machine, prior the 2nd of the 3rd month, then it shall be available. Publications that might be available at BLTX that include [might include? might? kidding lang. may confirmation naman na, i think.] my works are: Hundred Loves (UPWC), Dream Pop Issue (PMP?), Blinds Tomo IX (PANTAS), The Words Get in the Way: An Erasures Anthology (YBB?), and, of course, Volumes 1 & 2 of QBCCC. Sana wala akong nalimot banggitin. I'll leave you with this super lovely truth: