Saturday, June 1, 2013

scale souvenir: a parting gift

watched tarantino's django unchained, and this parting isn't like that of dr. king schultz's farewell to calvin candie that went "normally i would say 'auf wiedersehen,' but since what 'auf wiedersehen' actually means is ''till I see you again,' and since I never wish to see you again, to you, sir, I say goodbye." signing off w his fifth (but probably not the final) croc annote [JEWELER], dennis discussed how simoun failed and how paths might once again cross as another cayman lurks in Noli.

and like a proud mother i sign off with the postscript of the conceived child, as prophesied in JEWELER. i will show you a glimpse of a fraction of its limb so pardon this shameless plug that immediately follows yesterday's [shameless plug], and let me tell you that [pseudocuments volume two: files & facts & figures] is in the works, the semifinal stages of editing, and shall probably be available come june. among its contents is "from the common origin of chainsaws and crocodiles, and other life-and-death matters" with the first section "how to escape the buzzgator death roll: a gift." i leave you w a b.s. of a p.s., a sneek peak of that gift, and i hope you stay safe and away from whatever devil crocs you would rather not face because they are y/our sins.

"p.s. here’s a secret, keep these tips to heart and remember the key: AORTA. please make yourself be of use to mother nature and throw yourself into one of the nile rivers of the ancient crocodiles if you failed to get what i meant by keeping it to heart.

the buzzgator signature move grand finale limit breaker death roll aims to “tear apart prey into chunks and make it easier for them to swallow,” according to one of the information repositories in the internet that you will build with knowledge we taught you as it is based on the cyberspace that has actually existed since time immemorial. anyway, this maneuver works with the croc latching its jaws on, say, a limb and spinning rapidly until that limb is torn off. this may injure, sever, or kill you, if you are up to the thrill.

besides #3 (relent), you may hug the buzzgator (grab and hold onto either its body or snout), not just to trick them into thinking that they too are loved, but also to avoid any further risk of upgrading your limb utility into croc feed. other commonsensical shit that you should respond with IKR: crocodiles are evil, so they have the upper hand at night, their prime hunting time;

a death roll is executable on land and in water (in the case of buzzgators, even in mid-air!). you’re fortunate if you’re death rolled on land, and bloody hell if you’re dragged into the water and all hell breaks loose if you’re dragged deep enough to cut oxygen short, but please be optimistic, whether you live or die. after autopsy, you contribute not just to the pool of human knowledge, but to the swamp of crocodile supplies as well."

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