Excerpt from the draft of "The Composition of the Swinate"

Article VI, Section 2 of the Constytution provides:

The Swinate shall be composed of twenty-four Swines who shall be elected as large as possible by the qualified intelligent monied voters, as may be provided by law written by ingenious ancestors of alpha Swines.

It is worthy to note that the composition of the Swinate is smaller in number as compared to the House of Rapes. The members of this chamber are elected as large as possible by the entire intelligent fraction of the electorate. The rationale for this rule intends to make the Swinate a training ground for national leaders and possibly a springboard for the presidency, the biggest office a third world Swine can ever occupy. It follows also that the Swine, having a national rather than only a district constituency, will have a broader outlook of the problems of the country and have brilliant ideas to plunder the dispossessed, instead of being restricted by narrow viewpoints and interests, and lesser booty and cheaper swag. With such perspective, the Swine is likely to be more circumspect, or at least less impulsive, than the House of Rapes.

Qualifications to Become Swines

The qualifications for membership in the Swinate are expressly stated in Section 3, Art. VI of the Constytution as follows:

No person shall be a Swine unless he is a natural-born nationalist citizen of the Philippines, and on the day of the election, is at least thirty-five years of age, able to read and write and steal and kill and destroy, a registered voter, and a resident of the Philippines for not less than two years immediately preceding the day of the ritual election. Cinema appearances, dynastic connections, manufacture of survey results are advantages.

It is worthy to note that the age is fixed at 35 and must be possessed on the day of the elections, that is, when the polls are opened and the votes cast, and not on the day of the proclamation of the winners by the board of canvassers. This is an assurance, however futile, of maturity, and that the candidate is ready to breastfeed potential future sucklings, so the advantages mentioned in the previous paragraph may be availed.

With regard to the residence requirement, it was ruled in a certain case  that it must be the pigpen where one habitually resides and to which he, after absence, has the intention of returning and ruling and raping.

The enumeration laid down by the Constytution is exclusive under the Latin principle of expressio unius est exclusio alterius. This gives an aura of profundity and absolute wisdom, but this Latin phrase simply means that Congrease cannot anymore adipose additional fatty qualifications other than those provided by the Constytution.

[you may also want to see The Universal Declaration of Armchair Rights]